01/14/2006

The Envelope Please.....Alito Hearing Week Awards
PEOPLE FOR THE ALITO WAY

(WASHINGTON , DC ) – People for the Alito Waytoday released a list of awards for those Senators who truly distinguished themselves during the nomination hearing of Samuel Alito to the Supreme Court. Congratulations to all the winners!

Senator Joe Biden (D-DE) “It’s All About Me” Award
Senator Joe Biden holds the record this week for asking the longest questions of the entire hearing, and that’s saying something! In one thirty-minute session, Biden spoke for 24 minutes and Alito gave a six minute answer. In other words, “Enough about me, now, what did YOU think of my last question?” Biden also may hold a some kind of record for referring to himself once every 12 seconds, five times each minute, for a grand total of 360 times in 70 minutes of questioning. The donning of the Princeton cap deserves special mention in a fleeting attempt to obtain “Visual of the Day.” Congratulations, Senator Biden!

Senator Ted Kennedy (D-MA) “A Bridge Too Far” Award
Senator Ted Kennedy truly distinguished himself this week -- poorly. His bloviating this week was pure torture – worse than water-boarding. Senator Kennedy went the extra mile by ignoring his own ethical missteps as a member of the “Owl Club”. According to Charles Hurt at the Washington Times, “Sen. Edward M. Kennedy belongs to a social club for Harvard students and alumni that was evicted from campus nearly 20 years ago after refusing to allow female members…..The club has long been reviled on campus as "sexist" and "elitist" and, in 1984, was booted from the university for violating federal anti-discrimination laws, authored by Mr. Kennedy.” Despite all of this and much, much more, Kennedy was determined to demand answers “again, and again, and again…” Senator Specter threw cold water on that idea. But for his efforts, this award is proudly conferred upon Senator Ted Kennedy. Congratulations, Senator Kennedy!

Senator Charles Schumer (D-NY) “Groundhog Day” Award
In Schumer’s world the time clock for questions always says 20 minutes… Judge Alito keeps hearing the same question over and over and over and…if you look in the dictionary under “redundant” it says, “see redundant” (perhaps with a picture of Senator Schumer.) For being the “Energizer Bunny” of the Judiciary Committee, so determined to grind Alito into the carpet that he keeps going and going and going, this award is aptly given to Senator Charles Schumer. Congratulations, Senator Schumer!

Senator Russ Feingold (D-WI) “Cheesehead” Award
Senator Feingold kept coming back to his microphone diligently armed with fistfuls of speeches and sound bite attempts. Like his colleagues on the Left, he missed the mark. But Senator Feingold, as a Wisconsin Senator, has been awarded the “Cheesehead” Award -- because his arguments were like Swiss cheese: aged, rotten and full of holes. Congratulations Senator Feingold!

Senator Richard Durbin (D-IL) “Gone With the Windbag” Award
Listen to him… enough said. Congratulations Senator Durbin!

Senator Dianne Feinstein (D-CA) “Wilma Flintstone” Award
Senator Feinstein’s hearing performance reflected a tired, old, leftist ideology that is so “Stone Age.” She does not speak for today’s American women and her words are dust-covered relics that belong in a museum. Congratulations Senator Feinstein!

Senator Herbert Kohl (D-WI) “Not Ready for Primetime” Award
Because he forgot to turn the page on his script and he read the same question twice. Because he forgot to turn the page on his script and he read the same question twice.

Senator Patrick Leahy (D-VT) “Sherwin Williams” Award

In a hearing week that could only be characterized as “uneventful”, this award was quite competitive. One Senator clearly distinguished himself in this field, however. Senator Patrick Leahy will receive the “Sherwin Williams Award” because Senator Leahy’s participation in the hearing was about as interesting as watching paint dry. In an unique twist, Leahy’s comments to the media characterized Judge Alito as “not forthcoming.” Perhaps Senator Leahy was watching paint dry instead of listening to Judge Alito’s cogent responses – all 700 of them or 94% of the questions asked. By comparison, Ruth Bader Ginsburg answered 74% of the questions posed to her. The numbers just don’t bear witness to Leahy’s claims. It would seem the Senator from Vermont is trying to be an overachiever and win a second award! Congratulations, Senator Leahy!

Finally, to Judge Alito, a newly minted award entitled “The Alito” for outstanding performance under fire and fidelity to constitutional principles. Apparently, in Italian, “Alito” means “breath.” Clearly, Judge Alito will be a “breath of fresh air” on the Supreme Court. “People for the Alito Way” congratulates Judge Alito for his outstanding testimony despite the best efforts of the other award winners.